Demo's,Concerts, Kung Fu and Sivaji

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
- 'The Second Coming' by W.B. Yeats

I've always loved that poem. Summarizes a lot of things. That said, let us begin.

Mini sent me a couple of her demo song tracks. Was awestruck. She can reach notes that heretofore I thought were only possible for Bats (those 'unspeakable giant bugs' as Calvin puts it. You know the kind I'm talking about-the flying dog like thingies...). Don't get me wrong here, what I mean is that she is one of the most talented singers I've ever come across. And absolutely gutsy too. Wish I could figure out a way to put them up here in the blog. Someday I will conquer this technology I say! Watch out technology, here I come!

That reminds me of the time in the not-too-distant past where yours truly was conned into singing. And before an audience too! (Yes.. I know, I mean how wicked can people get? And no points for asking me where my brains were, at that moment) The conspirators convinced me that I was India's answer to James Hetfield (The whole world knows that he's the guy who sings lead for Metallica, for godssake!). So in all my innocence I went up on stage with Adi on the lead guitar - this was going to be an unplugged performance that would put MTV to shame. I introduced us and three people from the audience clapped, probably out of some misplaced sense of duty. I decided that this would not do! I asked them in a loud demanding tone "Is that the best you can do?!". No response. Silence that would have put a tomb to shame. "I'm not starting till I hear some applause here!!". I was getting a little desperate here, as some of the more perceptive amongst you would have realized. Openly hostile stares and a lot of mutterings ("lets string him up by his toes" and such like..).

I immediately recalled the Kung Fu techniques that I had spent eight years learning, in the deepest reaches of Tibet, in a hidden monastery. I might have to use it here.... I thought. Let me digress here for a moment and for the first time in history, let me reveal to you the secret 'Yu Shu' Kung Fu fighting technique. And yes they do teach Kung Fu in Tibet, not only in China. It involves bending your knees, so that your butt is exactly at an angle of 83 degrees to your feet, as the first step. Not a degree more not a degree less mind you, or the effect of the stance is lost. It was not easy to master mind you, tough task masters those Tibetan monks. They'd put 'The cruel tutelage of Pai Mei' to shame ( And for those of you who don't know what it is, go watch Kill Bill). They'd make you go out and kiss a Yak as punishment, and believe you me, that can be quite unpleasant. Anyways, the next step is to screw up your face. Imagine the most embarrassing experience you've ever had, raise it to the power ten, and you'll have the requisite expression on your face. Then flail your arms around, as if you were trying to take off and fly, while all the time loudly screaming the words "Shoo! Shoo!". Works like magic I tell you, and no one will dare to even approach within 5 feet of you.

Take even steps back while remaining at the same angle (this will take some practice) and then turn around and run like your butt was on fire. As my friend Sun Tzu often says, a strategic retreat is often the best form of offense. It works every single time.

Back to the concert. By this time I'd realized that I was up shit creek without a paddle and started belting out "Nothing else matters" like nobody's business. In between Adi launched into the solo lead and the audience spontaneously broke out into thunderous applause. It was all I could do to restrain myself from plucking the guitar out of his hands and sticking it up his..... Well we finished it with a game face. Sometime later I got to hear a recording of it. To tell you the truth, I kind of sympathised with the audience....

Well Sivaji's been released and as usual I miss the simple old days when I could go to the first days shows, scream "Thalaivaa!!!", and fling coins at the screen. Us yuppies aren't allowed to do that y'know. Its illegal under some code of the IPC that I can't recall right now. Tried to explain this to Mrudula, but her eyes started glowing the way they usually do before those laser bolts shot out of them. Beat a retreat. Sometimes even Yu Shu Kung Fu doesn't work.

I received this gem of a mail about Sivaji which i think the whole world should read:

Hurray Hurray ........ sivaji super hit....promise
hi frnds this is ***** ......i m a big rajni fan.........i stay in abudhabi .......i feel i m the 1st to say sivaji talk,.....movie is awesome......i saw the movie.......excellent movie.....dead shot hit.........the 1st one hour of the muve is slow .....interval bang is awesome which is a big treat for rajni fans ....interval block (peeri shona vundane summa adaradhilla)......plz plz fans dont get disapponted after watchin 1st one hour.........2 nd half full ultimate......climax 30min is the highlite where the movie goes to a high peak.....there is a big twist in climax.....i dont want to reveal........plzz ....movie is 100 times better than CM commercially...;........interval block resembles similar to TAGORE (chiranjeevi's muvie)..........SUPERSTAR comes with an industry hit after 3 years.........last but not the least......movie is all abt an NRI who teaches a lesson for all who dont pay tax .......THE MAIN PART OF THE MUVIE IS ALL ABT A MEDICAL COLLEGE REVENGE,......MUVIE IS A HIT....i m very happy tat i m the 1st to reveal the talk.......super star zindabad

After a good deal of research, I've ascertained that "peeri shona vundane" is a form of greeting used in the interior districts of outer Mongolia. Please don't ask me why anyone from Abu Dhabi should use it. I'm still conducting research on that, and will share the results with you once they're in. Hope that clarifies. As for the rest of the 'muve' (or 'muvie' as the case may be), its pretty evident that its about this NRI who pays taxes to exact revenge on a medical college. Or is it a NRI who joins a medical college to help him avenge people who pay taxes? Its a Rajini movie for heavens sake, does the story line matter??!! Go watch it and enjaai I say!

They've picked a compromise candidate for the president's post. I'm very miffed that didn't offer it to me first! I shall register my strong protest by sulking throughout the weekend. besides the television is still on the blink.

Exit: the gallant Mahesh into the dull and dreary afternoon.

Morale boosters, Masterpieces, Llamas and Naked Bike Rides

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. (pause) OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. (pause) Thy will be done. - Homer Simpson in the 'Simpsons' (obviously..DUH!)

And that being said... let us begin....

I'm in a garrulous mood today. This just might be along write. Was talking to a friend of mine who's from Bihar, who in the interests of good health shall remain anonymous. The last thing I want is a hit squad from Bihar knocking on my door. I mean, why should they travel all the way just to get beaten up by me? Anyways, in between the conversation, I couldn't resist.

Me: Did you read my blog (hopeful tone)
Him:Hum aisa serious blog nahin padte
Me: My blog? Serious?? You must be joking! ( And here I was, under the impression that I was joking on the blog)
Him: Tera blog boring hai ( I knew it! I knew it!)
Me: Ok... So tell me which ones are the interesting blogs? (Hah! got you there!)
Him: (Mentions two names)
Me: And you mean to tell me they don't write serious stuff?? I read them too man! ( You gotta be shittin me...!!)
Him: Its not a question of serious stuff. Your blog is boring. Bahut boring. (Are you a human being or a parrot fer godssake!!)
Him: And aadhe words ka matlab hi pataa nahin mujhe. Pls use aasaan english ( Sigh... )

Came back home. Telly still on the blink and Mrudula still in a bad mood. I explained to her about the above conversation. She seemed highly amused. She told me that this 'blogging' thing is just a fad with me... Like the previous... she gave me a long list here... which I will not share with you. This is a very open conversation I'm having with you,see? But on the other hand , there is a limit to my masochism too.. Crux of the issue was that I felt like a cycle tire that had just run over a six inch nail.

After those splendid morale boosters, there was only one thing I could do. Here I am blogging again.

Talking about simple English, can't resist but mention the 'Llama song' by Burton Earny.For those of you who haven't heard it, its available at:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php.

The sublime poetry and and the music that pulls at your heart strings combine to form an experience that is not easily forgotten. Burton has composed a commodious masterpiece whose narrative power is only matched by its generosity of vision. I was greatly disappointed when it was overlooked both for the Booker prize (for the lyrics) and the Grammy Awards (for the music). As a great wise man once said 'There's simply no accounting for people's tastes'. Just as an aside, The great wise man in question is also the author of this blog.

For those of you who are too lazy to go look it up, I could provide the lyrics of the song. But the quite a few of you might perish of a severe case of the goosebumps, and I'd be blamed for it. I have no plans of going to jail ( unless they arrest me for daring to blog- see morale boosters above). So get off your lazy butt's and go click that link above!

For some reason the Spanish also seem to be fascinated by Llamas. If you meet a person who spoke Spanish, or god forbid, were chatting with him/her on some instant messenger service (you never know), one of the questions the person would ask you, would be "Como te llamas?"

I always thought thats a real funny thing to ask. I mean, if I didn't know better my responses would range from: "No I don't herd Llamas, I just work for an IT company"
to: "No thank you, I already have three of them at home and their names are Rajagopal, Sunderrajan and Subramaniam"
to downright: "Buggerroff! You sick shit!!! I don't want to do it with any Llama!! Not even if it looks like Kareena Kapoor!!! ( Which you will admit is not very far from the truth. The Kareena bit , that is)

It apparently means "Whats your name".

The incumbent president, said a very interesting article I read today (I read the article, the incumbent president didn't say that) is very fond of animals and has a variety of them put up at the Rashtrapati Bhavan. He apparently even had an ailing Hippo from a circus treated there. No, as far as I know the hippo went back to the circus and is not currently residing at Rasthrapati Bhavan. The candidate who is most likely to succeed him, Shivraj Patil, when asked what his interests were, listed shooting and horse riding. Poor Animals. I love my country. There's humour everywhere in India.

There's humour elsewhere also. Apparently there's this event organized every year around the globe called the "World Naked Bike Ride". It consists of people doing exactly what the name says. Riding naked down the streets of cities on bikes. That's cycles in Indianese. This year too they organized it in 5 cities around the world. Its supposed to be a protest against global warming and to sensitize people to the evils of using automobiles. If it were me taking part, I'd be more worried about how to desensitize my butt. I mean, I have problems with the comfort levels accorded to my sensitive area's by a bicycle seat on a normal day! If I were nude..... But never fear, gentle reader , that is a spectacle which you will never have to contend with. This I promise you. (Is that a collective sigh of relief I hear?)


One of the participants was interviewed and the reporter asked him the obvious:
http://www.concordmonitor.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070607/
REPOSITORY/706070410/1043/NEWS01

Reporter:Doesn't that get uncomfortable, you know, on a bike?
Participant: Everyone asks this question, and it's actually pretty comfortable. Believe me, I've asked every rider I meet. We all agree that as long as the bike seat is comfortable with clothes, you'll feel fine without clothes.

On that mysterious note I will bid you all goodbye. I'm sure that you too did your part to make the world a better place and if you did on a bike when you were nude.... You must be nuts!!!!!

Exit: the gallant Mahesh into the dark and dangerous night.

Garcia Lorca, Inferno, Motivational Memo's and Party Poopers

The weeping of the guitar

begins.

The goblets of dawn

are smashed.

The weeping of the guitar

begins.

Useless

to silence it.

Impossible

to silence it.

It weeps monotonously

as water weeps

as the wind weeps

over snowfields.

Impossible

to silence it.

It weeps for distant

things.

Hot southern sands

yearning for white camellias.

Weeps arrow without target

evening without morning

and the first dead bird

on the branch.

Oh, guitar!

Heart mortally wounded

by five swords.

- The Guitar by Federico Garcia Lorca

And that being said, let us begin.

All said and done, I think Garcia Lorca's poems are amongst the most beautiful. "Lament for the death of Ignacio Sanchez Mejias", "Gacela of Dark Death".....

Found this site that depicts all three worlds of Dante's "Divine comedy" with some brilliant images,multimedia depictions and even audio of the important stanza's in Italian. Brilliant. Bravo! Bravi! Brava!

http://danteworlds.laits.utexas.edu/index.html

The damn woman didn't send anyone to repair the cursed telly. I knew it! Sometimes an acerbic wit can be a treacherous companion.... sigh....

Useful Latin phrases :

Vini, Vidi, Velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around
Vini, Vidi, Visa - I came, I saw, I bought it
Sic friatur crustulum - Thus, the cookie crumbles
Illegitimi non carborundum - Don't let the bastards wear you down

Broke out my last can of beer. Mrudula asked me not to drink cold beer ("Any need to screw up your throat up further, with that throat infection of yours??!!" ). Beer can slipped and fell down after third swig. Mrudula was happy. I was unhappy. Had to mop up the beer, to add to it all. There is a point in crying over spilt beer.

Read Lucy Kellaway in the Financial Times. My favorite columnist. The lady doesn't mince words and thats an understatement.... The latest edition talks about motivational memo's. "Given that this is a wretched literary genre in which almost every example is lamentable, to find the very worst is a tall order. Yet last week the Financial Times published what seemed a sublimely bad memo written by a Royal Dutch Shell manager and asked readers if this could deserve the title." she says.

Excerpts: "To prove my point, I’m comparing it with another leaked e-mail I received last week. This one was written by Jim Quigley, the new global chief executive of Deloitte, and dispatched to all staff on his first day in the new job."

"Now consider the style of the Deloitte memo. “Our identity reinforces the shared vision of our member firms,” it says. This is so profoundly meaningless that I doubt if its author could tell me what he meant by it."

"Over at Deloitte, matters are rather more intangible. “As our brand strengthens, the commitment we have to each other also increases,” Quigley says, mysteriously."

"By contrast, here is another helping of mush from Deloitte. “We will take our performance to the next level, provided we move forward collaboratively, as a team.” Quigley doesn’t sound as if he means it. He sounds as if he’s had a partial lobotomy."

Hoooo Boy!!!! Thats really putting their patron saint in place. Could you get more abrasive than that? I dare you.

Caught up with an old friend of mine. He was on his way back from a party when I called him. His little kid having deigned to poop after a suspense filled four day interlude, hence the party. I may have to reconsider having kids. These party poopers do start early, wot?

The Headless Chicken, 'Blogology' , Predicting the future and Wowbagger

"I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat inside me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.You guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off." - Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

That being said, let us begin. Today was rather frustrating (depending on how you look at it... I'm shortsighted. Literally of course not metaphorically)

Got up feeling miserably unwell. Took the day off and then disaster struck! The television conked out.... Ran around the house like a headless chicken, shouting 'Aaaaa!! the telly's gone! the telly's gone!' till Mrudula hit me on the side of the head with a frying pan. Calmed down immediately.

Got the service centre number and called. Was given a call centre number. Called the call centre. They registered a complaint and informed me that it would be fixed tomorrow. Tried to explain to them that I coudln't spend the day without the telly ( All my books are still in the cartons waiting to be unpacked... Now thats a huge task... talk about the Augean stables.... sigh..). They didn't seem to understand. Asked me to call the service centre. Called. No one picked up. Called the call centre again. Apparently I should have registered a complaint on Saturday for a person to come and repair the telly today. I explained to her that while I was talented beyond the average, predicting the future was still a little difficult for me to do. She didn't seem amused. Hope she sends someone to repair the damn thing!

Got onto the Net. Got lost. Found my way back with difficulty. They should have more efficient roadsigns.

Saw this site belonging to a guy called Alister Cameron. (http://www.alistercameron.com/2007/04/05/if-your-blog-looks-crap-it-is-crap/).
A self professed 'Blogologist' with a mission statement which goes 'Changing the world. One Blog(ger) at a time.' He had a lot of kind and considerate advice to bloggers on subjects such as ' if your blog looks crap it is crap' and 'why no one reads your blog'. He apparently registered a 2000% increase in readership in a month. Modest achievement. Did wonders for my morale, reading about it. Actually, I've decided that i don't care who reads my blog and any sly comments on sour grapes will definitely not earn you any brownie points. Such comments might even earn you a visit from me, which is probably the last thing you want.... So.

Installed a Blogpatrol counter, to record the number of hits here. Initially installed a Public counter in a fit of bravado. Then sanity prevailed. Changed it to a private counter. And no, I did not chicken out. I will change it back to a public counter the moment I get a 2000% increase in readership. It's just a matter of time. Hah!

Reminds me of 'Wowbagger, The infinitely prolonged' from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. For the unlearned, this dude was an alien who became immortal by mistake, didn't know what to do and decided to busy himself with abusing every living creature in the Universe. He zips around in his spaceship, with a list of all creatures in the Universe, systematically stopping to abuse each one. Now, there's a goal worth pursuing!

Quite a few of the meerkats in 'Meerkat Manor' on Animal Planet, seem to have names from the Hitchhikers Guide. Interesting, that.

Was chatting with a friend, and she told me about stream of consciousness writing.... Interesting notion. Apparently James Joyce and William Faulkner were amongst the people who followed this technique. I miss James Joyce. Must read 'Finnegans Wake' again. Its been too long.

Adi called. I hear there are paeans of joy being sung certain quarters of Chennai now. I also hear there were frenzied jigs of joy being performed. Good news I'm told, does that to you. 'The Universe tends to unfold itself'. "Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle" is a very sensible movie. LOL!

Wine, Robert Redford and Elevators

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. - Henry David Thoreau

Having said that, let us begin. Today I will rant.

Saw Vir Sanghvi on Travel and Living. He was sitting across the table with two other men, one of them extremely fat, with nine glasses of wine each on the table. Different kinds of wine in each glass of course. The idea was to discover whether wine goes with tandoori cuisine (kababs), and if so which one - Red or White wine. The verdict : Wine goes with tandoori cuisine! Extremely important and informative. I'll keep that in mind the next time I go to a swanky seven star hotel and decide to have wine and kababs. Which should be in about..... three hundred and sixty three and three quarter years... Duh!!! Could you get more pretentious?

Well, lets consider the alternative . Having beer with a packet of haldiram's on my balcony. The downside: I don't think people would like to watch this on TV. Upside: I get to lounge in shorts and an old T shirt, burp, watch Vir Sanghvi on TV and laugh at him, and even kill the itinerant mosquitoes. I personally think as far as beer goes Kingfisher is the best and as for the munchies, my vote goes to the 'masala peanuts'. If you were Vir sanghvi which of the two would you prefer? The hotel or the balcony? Thats a no brainer, even by Vir Sanghvi standards I guess.

Don't you just hate people who get into an elevator to travel two or less floors up or down? Fourth floor to the second?? Get a life people! Walking is faster. Use the goddam stairs! I eprsonally think that all such people should be defenestrated on the floor they get in to the lift. No, defenestration DOES NOT mean removal of vital parts of their anatomy,it merely means throwing someone out of the window. I shit you not.

I found out today that Mrudula thinks that Robert Redford and Richard Gere are hotter than me... Strange..... There's no accounting for people's opinions is there... I mean anyone can see who's hotter. Well.... Actually I checked and no one else could. And it hurts! Time to wake up and smell the coffee I guess... LOL!

The runway lights are on at the airport even in the afternoon! Saw them from the balcony and got Mrudula to crosscheck. She could see them too. My eyesight is still fine. For what earthly purpose the lights are on at that time... only god and the air traffic controller know. Presumably.

Think I'm obsessing on the airport.

Read Neha's blog on the difficulties of getting a flat in B'lore. Lets sign off by sayin a prayer for the desperate hearts who're looking for acco in Bangalore tonight.... Yes, shamelessly plagiarised from Aerosmith, but I think it conveys the meaning...

What Next?

Musee des Beaux Arts By W.H.Auden

About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters; how well, they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.
In Breughel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

And Having said that, in the end - let us begin.

I've always loved the concept of Icarus. Of flying close to the sun and trying to touch it... despite being warned not to do so. The proverbial moth attracted to the cliched flame. I guess we all do it at times, and some of us are prone to doing it more often than most. Poor Daedalus, to see Icarus rising higher and higher, knowing he would fall and yet unable to rise up and join him. Fear. It controls us all... Its either fear or laziness....

Saw this on a plastic cover handed out some shop... Odyssey or Landmark or some such shit.. It said "Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix all died at the age of 28". Who says Icarus' story is an ancient legend? Maybe thats why we like rock? The aura of rebellion and self destruction. The options of burning up as opposed to fading out.....

Come to think of it, maintaining a level head maybe more difficult! Its easier to burn out. Its difficult to resist temptation. (Gotta quit smoking... goddammit!) But yeah... who remembers people who fade out....

Finally got canned beer. Drank a couple of cans in the balcony. I could see flights landing at the airport.

" There is a war everywhere. All you can do is choose a side and fight". Gregory David Roberts in Shantaram. Can't get that damn book out of my head. Going to start 'Love in the time of Cholera' by Garcia Marquez. Hmmm... what are the chances that it wont depress me? These latinos write like no ones business.

Who knows whats next...?